Positive Parenting

Strict Parenting raises angry kids who lose interest in pleasing their parents; Positive parenting raises a child who wants to behave. Permissive parenting raises unhappy kids who test their parents. In both cases, the child resists the parent’s guidance and doesn’t internalize self discipline.

A parent has responsibility for good upbringing of his or her child. The parenting style to a large extent influences the future of the child, shapes his or her behavior, impacts his/her development, determines how well prepared the child is to realize his or her full potential and become the person or adult he or she is meant to be.

Positive parenting sometimes called positive discipline, gentle guidance, or loving guidance is simply guidance that keeps our kids on the right path, offered in a positive way that resists any temptation to be punitive. Studies show that positive parenting is what helps kids learn consideration and responsibility, and makes for happier kids and parents.

You need to understand that Children misbehave when they feel discouraged or powerless.  When you use discipline methods that overpower them or make them feel bad about themselves, you lower their self-esteem. It doesn’t make sense to punish a child who is already feeling badly about herself and heap more discouragement on top of her.

SPANKING A CHILD IS NOT THE BEST WAY

                                     discipline with love                       

When most people think of discipline, they think of physical punishment. Even parents who refrain from physical force usually assume that discipline means some form of punishment, because our culture’s view of human nature assumes that humans must be punished so they will learn not to repeat transgressions. But the word “discipline” has nothing to do with punishment. The root of “discipline” is “disciple,” from the verb “to teach.”

But research confirms what intuition should tell us, which is that physical force teaches children all the wrong lessons. Children who are spanked learn that hitting is justified in some circumstances (such as when you are bigger), and that people who supposedly love you may hurt you. Children who are physically disciplined are more aggressive toward other children, more rebellious as teenagers, and more prone to depression and violent acting out as adults.

Kids who are physically disciplined are actually less likely to learn lessons, because, they become obsessed with fantasies of self-justification and revenge rather than considering how to control themselves to prevent future misbehavior. Instead of becoming motivated to change and avoid the misbehavior in the future, they become motivated to avoid more punishment.

There are different explanations to why children misbehave: A child misbehaves when He doesn’t know what is expected of him, He does know but can’t control himself, He does know but doesn’t care.

If he doesn’t know, teaching is clearly in order: But most teaching of this kind is modeled; Kids learn the desirable behavior from watching you or their classmates. If he does know but can’t control himself, you need to help him learn to manage himself.

Ultimately, love is the only leverage we have with our children. Even if they worked, fear and “Because I say so!” only last for as long as they can be physically enforced.

Every parent knows how fast children grow; fear works for a very short time that is if it works at all. Love, on the other hand, becomes a more effective motivator over time. And it raises kids who WANT to behave.

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